Journals

Lessons learned

I learnt in life that:

  • You don’t get to degrade people and let them feel a useless one because you don’t know what battles they are currently fighting even if it’s small, it’s still a battle.
  • Don’t be so sensitive and don’t let people affect you, your whole being. Don’t let them stay longer in your head.
  • Don’t get too attached.
  • Stay true to yourself and stay with the people who understand and support you no matter what.
  • Forget those people who hurt you. Char haha to forget a friend is sad. I mean, don’t give them the capabilities of hurting you in any way.
  • Still trust. Even though you we’re betrayed before, still have the courage to trust other people.
  • Learn to let go of the nonsense things that occupied your mind and heart for a long time and move forward.
  • God let them experience that to you, for you to be a better person. Be thankful to those who’ve hurt you. They’ll serve as your ladder to reach on the peak of your dreams.
  • Pray for them.
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The thing is, those people who you need to support and cheer you up is the one who’s… just like parents. I was wondering, do they know what I like? Do they know my dreams in life? Do they know why I don’t apply for work yet? Do they know what I don’t like? Do they know what I fear of? Do they know me? Sad truth.

But maybe, it’s partly my fault. My fault because I don’t opened up to them anymore. Maybe it is. Maybe because they think so highly of me. They think that I can reach my dreams without their help. Maybe because they think I’m so brave and courageous. Maybe because they taught that I would never ever experience failure in life or maybe because they think I can surpass those challenges that were thrown at me. Maybe because they think, i’m a superwoman.

But maybe, that superwoman needs a little support from them and help not just in financial aspects. But maybe because we have different ways of thinking of what is truly right opposing on what you think.

Failed (CL)

Naalala ko pa rin ung time na nakaupo ako sa bench ng GT towers then naka-face sa tapat ng Yuchengco Museum. I was staring at the empire buildings, moving cars and busy people who’s walking along the road while forcing my tears not to overflow because I came to realize I am not meant to stay and work there; No matter how honest and how much effort you’ve done in the interview if it’s not for you… yet it is not for you.

My dreams are just too high that it became unreachable and invisible for me. Before, those dreams where so clear that I can imagine everything. But now, it seems to be get blurry and blurry until I can’t imagine it anymore. The only thing I can do is to hope and trust Him with my future.

Failed (DC)

Lord,

I failed huhu. I know I already accepted na I wouldn’t pass kasi mas magaling iyong mga nakasama ko. Unlike, me. Pero masakit parin kasi, kasi working there is really my goal and my dream simula noong bata ako.

Tanggap ko na nung initial na hindi tlga ako papasa pero when they texted me for final interview nabigyan ako ng hope kahit .01% na sana eto na un. İ felt na un na tlga un e. Kasi almost 5 months of waiting. Eto na to. Pero hindi pala. Sana, sana di nlng ako nag-expect. Sana, sana di nlng ako umasa. Sabi ko na i won’t pass tlga. Unang interview na iniyakan ko tlga. Dream company ko un bessy, pero hayy. Siguro hndi pa ako handa para doon at masakit para sakin un.

Not today. Maybe someday

Failed opportunity… i guess

08/01/2017

 

Ugh!!! I should have reply back! It was an opportunity already but because of my snobbish act ugh! I received a message regarding about the upcoming interview from my dream bank that I have applied before last March. I didn’t believe it. Actually, I laugh at it. It’s because it’s been months before I got to hear from them. I was weighing things if it is legit or not. First is, it supposed to be not a number because before I was set up for initial interview I received a message from the name of the bank as a contact not a cell phone number. Second, it’s been five months and I was told during the initial interview that I should receive a text after a month or after my graduation. Then ughhhhhh!!!!! They texted me already then I haven’t replied because I didn’t care about it. I should have replied and ask them before it’s too late!!! Because according to the message, I should confirm it up until 8pm and I just realized that the text is legit just this hour. Argh! I should really pay attention to details. Lesson learned.

 

But then I realized, if it’s for you it’s really for you. Maybe, it’s not really meant for me. I will still try to text her if I am still allowed to have another interview from them. And if they didn’t allow me, I guess I should just move on and try to find another job. Still, I’m somehow thankful because I realized I should really pay attention to details.
Unedited.

Overthinking…

 

I feel sad and somehow ashamed of myself. I don’t know why I am making it a big deal were in fact I shouldn’t. Ugh! Kasi he called me and he was with his group of friends, I don’t know why he called me and said ‘Aybi, halika’. Actually, I was just passing by kasi may binili ako and they were in another store. I told him ‘Sige lang’ then I just go home hehehe. The fact that I don’t see those guys clearly he was with and they are group of boys. I don’t like it. I never like it. It doesn’t make me feel good. I feel like they’ll do something bad. I’m sorry for judging but that’s what I really think for every male I’ll encounter except for those male species I get to close with. That’s why I was never comfortable sa mga male’s kasi of the bad experience that was happen to me. Ayun lang hehehe.

I realize I should not be like that, kaya siguro failed ako sa social department because of that. I should try to change the way I think na ‘not all the boys are like him’. So that’s all. Hehehhe. I was just really over thinking and I need to vent it out.

 

Worrying too much

I don’t know why I am writing this one instead of making reviewer for upcoming midterm in our Insurance subject. This was just a realization for me. I realized that when something happens to me, us. The only person who’ll worry is my family, relatives and my real friends. Once they’re worried, they’ll text or call asking if you’re okay or not. I may only have few of them, but I guess I’m still lucky because all of them were real. All their worries are genuine. Unlike others, who acts like they care but they just want to know the news of what did really happen during that time. As for my best friend, I guess I was a bit disappointed. Maybe somehow because she’s have a lot to think right now, that’s why. I was expecting her to call or text me but hahaha none of those happen. If it was me, I’ll gladly find a way to text or call her just to make she’s okay or not. Of course, we are all uniquely different from each other.